never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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