It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
