Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
