his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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