i would punch a child for taco bell
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He shit in the fireplace
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