Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
