there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
