We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
