I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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