dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
