I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
