My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
