I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
