3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
