i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
