Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize