She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize