i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
