If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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