She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My bed smells like the plague
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
