I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
