Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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