the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
