Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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