"it" just moved
literally had 100 drinks last night.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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