im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
