U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
