They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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