He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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