did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
