I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
