morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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