We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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