At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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