Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
