dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
