at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
