I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
