I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
