my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
