I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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