ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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