Please don't use social media to get back at me.
please come you make the beer taste better
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
