If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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