I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
