Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize