i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
