Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
