ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
