dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
