I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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