Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
