can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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