you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
