can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
