he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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