It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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