I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
