Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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