Having a random hookup so left but love u
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
