Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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