Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
