Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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