I wish life had little blips of pornography
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
