I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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