You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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