Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
