I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And then my night got REAL pukey
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
