So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Randomize
