All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I need a burrito and a hug.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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