hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
