HIV tests are more positive than that guy
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
