everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
