So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
