you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
