SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just google imaged poop.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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