Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
