So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
