he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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