Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
