that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
