6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
