I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
