I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
