bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
