I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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