i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
